Sarcastic remarks to get you through the day:

1.  This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
2.  I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
3.  I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
4.  Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
5.  If I throw a stick, will you leave?
6.  You!... Off my planet!
7.  Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
8.  A PBS mind in an MTV world.
9. Allow me to introduce my selves.
10. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
11. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
12. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
13. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
14. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
15. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
16. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
17. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
18. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
19. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
20. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
21. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
22. Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
23. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
24. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
25. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
26. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
27. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
28. I plead contemporary insanity.
29. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
30. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?